Sometimes you write things because you can no longer keep it in your heart. And maybe this is me I don’t normally tell people what I feel. I just stare at them and think of all the things I wanted to say. Things that will be left untold. Words that are kept in my soul. ‘Cause what I feel doesn’t matter. What others think matters most. Yes that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. Just broken, broken but no one knows cause no one cares. No one knows how i feel, no one wanted to know. At all.
I figured how opposite my blog title from what I usually write about. this past few months have been so hard for me. others can’t actually see it on my face, on my actions but deep inside I’ve been so down, so miserable and thought of quitting. but i calm myself and pray, call for him cause i know the he is the only person that can help me. after all, may this was his plan to try me, to train me, for me to become stronger. Maybe things are getting harder because I need to learn something. maybe what lies ahead is unbearable and I need to be ready by that time. or maybe, someday this too shall pass. am i getting oo emotional? am i so fucked up? yeah, maybe, maybe this was all my fault. maybe , this maybe is my excuse. excuse for the things that is happening to me. can it just end? in a blink of an eye, I want this to end.
My life has been a mess lately and I almost cannot handle the stress. Still, I had to go to work, manage to smile and laugh with people around me because I know that it doesn’t matter what I feel inside, I need to at least strengthen my appearance. And ofcourse, think about ways to get over this whatever did life throw me again this time. One thing I know about myself is that I am good at being pretentious. But honestly it is hard. It is hard to keep pretending that you’re okay especially when you see other people having there merry-go-around kind of life. Idk maybe they have their own mess too.
I just had these realization, well it wasn’t an obsolete thing to think about because this was indeed proven to everyone that sometimes it’s too late to regret. I shouldn’t have done that or this. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have known.
But after all, this is life. It may be fucked up sometimes, sure it has reasons. So, I will never quit.
That’s the thing about love, it makes you happy and miserable at the same time.
It is never perfect but fulfilling.
Something within you makes it whole. It is the foundation of every relationship we have. And of course it binds our commitment with God. Love gives us heartaches but also new beginnings. Like a flower that is pale at night but blooms as the sun rise.
Growing up means one thing: independence. We all want it. Sometimes we use other people to try and get it for ourselves. Sometimes we find it in each other. Sometimes our independence comes at the cost of something else. And our cost can be high. Because more often than not, in order to gain our independence we have to fight. Never give up. Never surrender.